Knowing he was going home to rub one out after our first date gave me a massive lady-boner. I wanted in on the action, so I rang him.
I get to play too. I get to wank too.
Imagining him lying there, cock in hand got me wet. The details of what he wanted to do bringing me further - until he asked "waxed or shaven?".
No, just no.
Men, as visual creatures, can be curious. I get that. It helps him get off to know what I actually look like. But my hand did pause in place between my legs when asked.
For a split second, my clit missed the ministrations of my fingers, my brain paused, a jolt of something I couldn’t quite place.
I answered the question and took out my vibrator. My hand was no longer going to get me there. Or more so the question had put a slight tinge on the session.
One orgasm and a two-hour conversation later I fell asleep still unsure about how I felt about it.
It’s a closed question
See? It gives me the options of what I can answer with. In this case, I either removed the hair from between my legs or removed the hair from between my legs. My choice was the method in how I remove it.
Now, maybe he was correct in his assumption that I do in fact choose to remove it but it still kind of grinds on me. Was it an expectation? Would I have been thought less of if I dared to don a full bush?
I don’t know.
I know where I stand on pubic hair
And I don't think I'm alone in questioning the strength of my feminism when I google the price of laser hair removal.
It's our choice - Laser, razor or nothing. Every detail of what’s between our legs is our decision. Waxing/shaving/trimming/sugaring/epilating/depilating our pubes is not anti-feminist and leaving a full bush is not anti-feminine.
Do whatever makes you happy - if that’s what you actually want to do.
It’s not his presumption that irritates but my not countering it.
If we’re working on a premise that men have learned to be the way they are, that society has taught them that certain acts are okay - even when they’re not. Is the fact of the matter not that really, in some cases, men are oblivious to the things they’re doing and saying?
Stick with me, this isn't a cop out for men.
When I fuck up, which is a lot, it generally stems from ignorance. I'm careful in my choice of words and hate the thought of offending someone, As such go out of my way to not. But it still happens.
Educate me and I’ll be more aware. Don’t berate me, don’t embarrass, educate.
So, on a subsequent date, with nowhere to run to or dodge the question I brought it up. I brought it up again as we got into bed. I'm not forcing the idea, I'm not berating him. I'm merely pointing it out.
What if I had been mortified, lying in bed, with a hand buried in a full bush? What if I had felt the need to shave before we had sex - lest I feel too insecure?
I know it's something I wouldn't do. With me, you get what you get and if you don't like it you can sleep in the car. But a younger, much more impressionable version of me would have altered myself to be accepted. So I asked those questions for me.
Did it sink in?
I can't honestly say. But I imagine if he's ever having phone sex with someone else he'll be more careful in his choice of words.
I'm not saying he shouldn't be curious. But maybe next time he asks the question is could be more along the lines of:
"Bush, bald or something in between"?