Do you know I have never posted a selfie online? Okay that a lie, there’s one… but I cringe every time I look at it.
I want to post selfies, as weirdly narcissistic as that sounds. But I don’t because I’m afraid (..?) of being judged, of people looking at them and thinking how “into myself” I am. Two sides of the same coin, right? Wanting to want, and wanting to not be judged.
So we keep them a secret.(I have many, many selfies homed in my phones photo library) We squirrel away at our hidden goals and think - I’ll show them. They won’t judge me when I lose this 20 pounds and look like a Victorias Secret Model. Or we quietly save a few euro every week - not for the emergency fund or a new car, but for those ludicrously expensive shoes that we want because people will think you have your shit together if you can afford Louboutins. Plus, they’re the sexiest shoe to boot. - See what I did there?
But here’s the thing. People judge. I do and so do you. It’s human nature. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s how we decide who we like, who’s not safe to be around, who we can go to when we’ve majorly fucked up (like when we’ve bought those sexy, expensive shoes and can’t make rent).
Society (god damn patriarchy) tells us it’s not okay to want. It’s rude. How dare we have aspirations and dreams and goals. You can’t fit into the cookie cutter mould if you go against the status quo and gasp… actually, admit to yourself that you hate your job and want to sit on a beach somewhere writing a blog.
Older generations do the same. We have more than they could have ever dreamed of when they were our age and we have the audacity to seek more. Imagine.
But here’s the thing, when you’re honest about what you want there’s this weird cathartic release. Something sits a little bit better inside. You feel a little bit more put together. More settled. You’re giving yourself permission to be happy. To be the person you want to be.
So we may as well just want what we want and be completely unabashed in doing so. The pricks are gonna judge us anyway…
Go ahead, want your little heart out.
Want perfectly manicured fingers, a sports car, a micro-biology degree, a business you created yourself, a sexy photo shoot, freedom, lust, clarity, a bodacious bod, a 6-packed man or woman, a bigger house, nicer teeth, whatever….
Write them down, put it in a box, on your blog, in a file for your dream life. Shout it from the rooftops if you want. And remind yourself that it’s perfectly okay to want these things. These aspirations are what make you unique. But not having them does not make you a bad person.
And then take it a step further.
After you’ve declared (to yourself or your blog) what you want. Decide on the most important one and take the first tiny step. Every time you move closer to one of your wants you’re one step away from the miserable life you could have accepted. Oh, and thank me later. When you’re rolling in it, I’d love a bottle of Veuve Clicquot.
P.S If you’re rambling around online and reading this because you’re looking for some type of external validation for your wants, here it is. Want what you want and feel no judgement. You do you and I’ll be here completely oblivious but happy because I’m doing me.