We’re all here to talk about the weird and wonderful world that is our sexual proclivities. In order to live out each particular fantasy on our “fuck it” list, we need people. How do we find these people? On the holy grail that is the internet. Do people even meet at social events anymore? (JK- Kinda)
Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, POF, and of course, Fetlife, the internet is flooded with ways to find your "dream partner." Citing hot people with loads of money and morals we generally get average looking people with very few aspirations in life. But. Every once in a while we find a diamond in the app and wonder “when can I get this person on top of me?”
Kink is fun. Random hookups are exciting. Sex is amazing. (I’m a huge fan) BUT Meeting strangers from the internet is dangerous so here we are.
I’ve met many a diamond to suss out how freaky (if at all) I want to get with them. I’ve even gone so (dangerously) far as to meet someone in a hotel room with no introduction.
Clearly trial and error has occurred. I’m not finished meeting strangers but I have picked up a few tips. I’m not saying don’t meet new people. I’m saying stay safe and be strategic in how you do it.
Before you meet.
Have a safety friend set up
Generally a best friend, someone you trust and talk to about your exploits anyway. Someone you know would come and get you if you’re stuck or would send the SOS message if your date goes south. They’re going to come in quite handy.
Don’t give out personal details
ie They don’t really need your Facebook profile or mobile number. Stick to the platform you found them on or my personal favourite Kik. Anonymous username - great functionality. Ironic because you’re going to find out as much as you can about them.
Swapping kinky pictures is a great way to get to know your future fuck buddy before you actually meet them. However, they generally exclude a clear picture of your face (don’t need the nudies plastered all over the internet). So before you meet up, make sure to have a few normal pictures of your date to be, to ensure its actually them. Send one to your safety friend before your date.
- If they won’t give you face pictures run! So far away, wait you don't need to run. Just block them.
Phone call/Cam chat
All the technology these days comes in great. There’s nothing you cant do. So there’s no excuse not to have had a phone call or better yet a face to face video call to ensure your partner is the right gender.
Doesn’t have to be a mood kill. Could be a mutual masturbation call or just a friendly chat but it’ll help you pick up on things you wouldn’t notice over messaging. Nervousness, aggression etc.
Hire A Private Investigator
Or just find out as much as you can. What do they do? where do they work? do they live alone? Do you have any friends in common? You know? General questions that you usually ask when getting to know someone. Yes, the answers could all be lies but if your safety friend ever does need to speak to the police the information could come in handy.
When you’ve decided to meet
Plan your time together
Where will you go? What will you do? are there multiple aspects to the date? - Dinner and a movie, bowling and a coffee.
Make sure it’s somewhere public. Never agree to a midnight stroll in the woods. In fact, why would anyone go to the woods anyway? Anywhere with CCTV is good.
My preference is to go for coffee in a hotel reception. It has nice surroundings, there are multiple members of staff floating around and you’re not kicked out like you would be in a bar when it closes so if the conversation is good it can go on for a while longer.
Don’t Drink, Always Drive
Especially for the first meet. Even if they’re offering you dinner and wine. Even if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to drink the worlds most exclusive cocktail with maraschino cherries, hot sauce and champagne. The answer is always “no, thank you, I'm driving.”
You’ll notice a little pill floating around in your water/tea/soft-drink. You won’t make those horrible drunken decisions you always make and you've got a quick getaway should your date just be boring as hell.
Never, and I mean never, rely on them to give you a lift somewhere or home. Have a taxis number on hand - preferably one you trust and can rely on. And worst case scenario study the bus or train timetable.
Set Your Ground Rules
It takes the awkwardness out of the date if you get your rules in first. Mine are as follows:
I don’t drink on the first date, I always drive.
I ALWAYS go home and NEVER go back to anyones house.
I don’t kiss on the first meet. (That way I don’t feel like I need to kiss someone if I don’t like them, but can if I feel so inclined.)
I don’t make plans for a second date on the first. Leave it with me for the night.
Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Get it out in the open and slip them back in at different points throughout the night. That way there’s no bruised egos or awkward moves.
Have an Exit Strategy
Don’t try and make something up on the spot. It’ll sound terrible and fake. Here’s some inspiration:
It’s my friends birthday so I’ll have to leave at x o clock to show my face.
Just so you know, I might get called back into work.
Shit! My brother just missed his bus, I’m sorry but I need to go pick him up.
Whatever, just have an exit strategy planned ahead of time.
On the Night
Confirm the details. Double check that you know your plans. That way you can’t be blindsided with “no, we agreed we’d go for a walk in the woods”.
Charge your God Damn Phone! Simple as. No explanation needed.
Spread the word
Let your safety friend know everything. A picture of your date. Their name, as much defining information as you can, your plans for the night and a promise that you’ll text when it’s over. A text that you’ll actually send.
Suss out the Space
Do you know the location? Where are the exits? Toilets? How far are you from your car? Knowing your way around helps. I think most people do this anyway in a new place, it helps us adjust to the space but it’s in here just in case.
In general, you know the things that freak you out. You’re a smart person. If you’re not comfortable, leave. You don’t have to stay. You don’t have to be polite. Trust your gut, if you don’t like it, it’s for a reason.
Other than that, have fun. Meeting new people is great. Just use your common sense people.
Join the Conversation
How about you? Do you have any tips or tricks to stay safe when going on your first date? Comment below and let us all know. You can never be too safe.