One Night Stands Aren't Worth the Hassle

A triple drop of viagra couldn’t have got his cock to half mast. I went down until my jaw ached. He pulled harder and faster than I’ve ever seen any man touch himself. I told the sexiest stories I knew, touched myself like a porn star and nothing. He looked at me defeated and said “It’s no use. It’s not getting up tonight”.

That was my last, intentional, one-night stand… 6 years ago. We watched Jim Jeffries on YouTube and laughed all night instead.

They seem like a good idea at the time. Generally when you're liquored up to the point of stringing mumbles together thinking they're coherent sentences. Lustful fumbling. Unchartered territory and a gin-fuelled fearlessness to conquer. A good chance you’ll say the wrong name. But, hey, that’s what one night stands are - spontaneous.

Rarely do they meet the passionate, orgasm filled coupling we imagine them to be. In fact, the scenario above has happened more times than most men would care to admit.

Good sex happens when you’ve actually learned something about the person you’re fucking. Something about how they like to be fucked. Sober explorations and ongoing dynamics beat out drunken rollabouts ten times over. They're generally an awful lot safer too.

My point?

Bed a stranger at your Christmas party if you like but if you're looking for good sex, mind-blowing, sheet-grabbing, legs-trembling sex, without the strings and confines of a relationship, consider seeking out a more long-term situation.