Talk dirty to me. (or you know, just grunt)

Pull my Hair…

Hit me Harder…

Break my Pelvis…

Grab my ass…

Apart from sounding like I’m asking someone to do damage to me - which I generally am, the above requests usually result in my partner complying with enthusiasm and me taking a step closer to orgasm.

Men love being told what to do. Even those who fully understand that each woman is different need guidance. They’re not mind-readers - although sex with a clairvoyant would be epic, if not stressful and weird.

Any two people can get down and dirty between the sheets, but what upgrades the session to the “oh my holy f*ck” category are the details. One of my favourite details, that’s actually easy to implement is noise.

I want to hear more in the bedroom. More than the squeak of my dodgy old mattress that I really wish I could afford to change. I want to melt a little when he speaks. I want to hear just how much he’s enjoying himself. How hard he’s working to get me off. Listening to him instruct my submissive tasks should be as much a turn on as the tasks themselves.

Did you just tell me to take off my knickers and bend over? I’m probably wet.

Did you just tell me that you’re hard in this extremely public place? I’m probably wet.

Tell me what you want to do to me. Tell me what you like about my body. Divulge the details of what’s turning you on. Explain what you like about what I’m doing or instruct me to speed up or slow down.

Women aren’t mind-readers either. But it’s hot when you take control.

It doesn’t really matter what you say. As long as it’s about me and it’s positive, I’m happy to hear it.

Voices, both in the bedroom and tentatively outside of it, are a wonderful means of revving up the heat. Used appropriately they can deliver that extra pizzaz.

But what if you’re not into the whole demanding, instructing thing? Can you still have an aural side of things? The answer is of course, yes.

Sex is a cacophony of sound. The squelching of P in V, the slapping of pelvises off other pelvises or, in some cases, asses, the squeaking of the aforementioned rusty mattress. And then there's the melodic sound of a man moaning.

It’s expected of us women. all the effort he’s espousing is supposed to elicit whimpers and soft moans that build into an explosive clamour of sound as we melt into orgasm.

Men make these noises too. And I love to hear them.

It doesn’t have to be a moan. It could be a grunt, a heavy exhalation, a growl, an “mmm” an “ah” an “ooh” There's something really erotic about hearing a man lost in pleasure have no words.

Could it be the physical exertion of him doing an admirable job attempting to break my pelvis with his that elicits a moan? Maybe it’s him letting go of controlling his climax that warrants it. It’s primal, lust filled, brimming with carnal, cathartic release.

But for me, it’s feedback. He’s appreciating. Enjoying himself. Because let’s face it we’re not always face to face. Reverse cowgirl, doggy style, spooning and a whole host of other positions create intimacy without the need for looking lovingly into each others eyes.

Have you ever gone down on a guy with your eyes open? Same question applies with 69 or my most recently learned 71.

So when one of your senses are taken away, but even when you have them all, aural stimulation, verbal feedback is always enjoyable.

Moaning - noise in general, is generally an indication of pleasure and knowing that I’m the source of that pleasure revs me up even more.

Now maybe all of the above is the result of a poor sense of self-worth. My crippling insecurity needing to be reassured constantly. I haven’t been ballsy enough to vocalise it with my therapist yet. But do you know what? I don’t care. It works for me, it turns me on and I love love love listening to a buttery guttural moan melt out of a mans mouth. Even better if I elicited that moan.

I haven’t found my dream Dom in shining armour but I have fantasised about him. A LOT. He’s tall, dark and handsome, intelligent, funny and kinky as fuck. In the bedroom, he’s rough and strong, authoritative and never afraid to use his words.

Sometimes mystery man has a British accent,- more London than anywhere else.  Other times there's a hint of French. I’ve dreamed up middle eastern, eastern European, Canadian and American. But regardless of the nationality, it’s always a deep, gravelly voice. Something “domly”.

Knowing my luck I’ll end up with some bogger with a terrible accent. But as long as it’s deep and gravelly and he’s not afraid to use it, I suppose I’ll survive.