Am I Mistress or Mummy Today?

Words just do it for me.

The sexiest book on my shelves is a thesaurus. Thousands of pages, saturated with a mishmash, medley of words. Collections of ways to express yourself.

Each with their own individual nuance, they hold the power to change the context of what you're saying. Directing people to the exact point you’re trying to make.

Words reflect who we are. They evoke emotions and arouse a response in others. Used appropriately they’re enchanting. Making you weak at the knees, wet between the legs and pushing you over the edge when you’re just so close to coming; words are the perfect foundation for domination.

The back and forth between two people who know what’s coming. A battle of words and wills to figure out who's going to be more dominant this time. Dirty talk before, during and after. Words set the scene.

So when he asked me to degrade him I thought I would die. Literally, keel over from the sheer magnitude of how wet I would get turning someone on by using words - albeit horrible ones.

Physical pain is one thing. Sadist is not a label I can attribute to myself. But the mental side of Dominance and submission fascinates me. And to be able to do it with words was heaven.

My kind of dominance

I know how to read a trustworthy dominant and what a gift it is to them that I hand over my trust and submit. I didn't take it lightly that I was receiving these very gifts.

Having him tower over me and tell me in excruciating detail what he wanted to do to me ticked all of my boxes. Meeting his descriptions with indifference ticked his.

There's a tantalising amount of a threat in someone so big they could crush you. The fact that they choose not to is a turn on. Wielding power over something so big just makes you feel all the more empowered.

A flash of aggression would dart through his eyes as I told him I didn't have the energy to train him in. Such a waste of a sizable cock. Lying on my bed with a slew of toys, I would please myself as he stood naked at the end of the bed begging to fuck me.

He was an inanimate object. A dildo with a pulse - his pleasure irrelevant.

He loved every minute and it fascinated me. Here was a guy, I fancied like fuck imploring I let him please me.

I got off holding the power. I was nervous, it was exciting and more importantly, I was wet. Craving his cock inside me but telling him he couldn’t was teasing myself. Languishing in wanton lust.

Mistress or Mummy

His unconscious choice of words directed me in my line of degradation. How I was addressed told me all I needed to know. Mistress was strict, unrelenting and cruel. Mummy cared but just couldn’t understand why he was so shit. Mummy wanted him to be good - he just couldn’t be.

Degrading someone with a pretence of caring is a mind-fuck.

Where Mistress would goad, Mummy would inquire. "Do you really think you deserve this?" became "Why can’t you just try harder for mummy?" "You know mummy wants to enjoy it but you’re not good enough."

Whether he wanted to be degraded physically, mentally or emotionally, my job was to read what was unsaid and deliver.

The responsibility of domming someone

When entrusted with someone's submission, you’re taking on a huge amount of responsibility, a lot of it unspoken. My sub, sexy as he was, was still human under it all. So while he wanted to be degraded, told he was useless and made a mockery of; I still needed to be careful about the level of pain I was distributing.

Holding the space, watching his markers, really listening to his words. Not the literal meaning of what he said but what was behind the words. What did he want, what did he need from me?


I think we all want to believe that we could hold the space, bear the responsibility in any level of submission and be worthy of someone's trust. I took great pride in my work. Each load of cum I wiped from wherever it landed was a testament to my skill as a Domme - my skill as a wordsmith.

Much happier in my submissive state, I wouldn't knock femdom for the world. It was one of the hardest and most empowering things I've ever done but ultimately, the dynamic broke me. Words brought me back.

So, if you're contemplating dipping your toe into the pool of FemDom think about it. Really think about it. What is dominance to you, what does it mean to your partner?

Of the 128 responses I received to an advert seeking a willing male sub, I met and played with none. Our kinks didn't match, our personalities clashed or what we were looking for was two completely different things.

The experience is worth it with the right person, not just for the sake of it. People seem to forget, that while whipping and pegging and clamping and tying is fun what really makes it is the person you do it with.

God, I'm such a soppy bitch.

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This article is part of #kinkoftheweek. Bloggers from everywhere around the world take the prompt from Mollys Daily Kiss.

To read other submissions just click on the lips.